Tessa Spring

Carol Royston Gooding: 22 December 1945 – 23 May 2024

I gave this eulogy at a service to celebrate my step mum Carol’s life on 10 July 2024 at her local church, where the community meant so much to her. It’s hard to believe it’s already been a year since she left us but I am so grateful to have been with her the last 24 hours in hospital, holding her hand. I miss her every day and think about her often.

Carol’s experiences – and the things she shared with me – inspired setting-up this service to support people like her (and like me) through home finding, moving, and life transitions.

A eulogy for Carol

I’m proud to say Carol is my step mum. We were in each other’s lives since I was four in 1989. Something she often told me when I was growing up epitomises Carol.  She said: “If you think something good about someone, tell them. What good does it do keeping it to yourself? It’s nice to build people up.” And that she did. 

She poured her energy into appreciating others, helping them feel seen, capable, and uplifted. Before interviews she often made me feel almost infallible, giving me the confidence to show up as my best self.

She did this throughout her life. But sometimes she did it so much to the detriment of herself. She was a very sensitive person and needed her alone time to refuel.

When I was a child, Carol was incredibly warm, kind and loving, as well as a little silly and fun too. She liked to elongate names as a sign of affection.

We would dress up, dance around and sing along with the Jive Bunny CD of 50s hits like Let’s twist again, Shake Rattle & Roll and Hound Dog, and we’d always get up to dance during the credits of Only Fools & Horses.

Carol had tiny, size three-and-a-half feet, so I also loved to try on as many of her fashionable stiletto heels as possible. She always took pride in looking her best.

I see Carol in the way I am with my two-and-half-year-old daughter, Maeve, when I call her sweetheart and darling. I also hear Carol in the warmth and gentleness of my voice. I’m so pleased they got to know each other a little bit. 

Carol once told me she felt quite overwhelmed when she first met me and my brother Toby. I’d apparently taken out all the pots and pans to play drums with her in the kitchen. It can’t have been easy adjusting to life with two energetic children.

She was very good with us when we saw her every other weekend and went away on holidays.

We loved our weekends in Laleham cycling up and down the towpath; going swimming, and putting and playing tennis in Lammas Park. Carol’s competitive streak often came out in games too, from darts to Monopoly and Scrabble.

And of course, there were the cats, Leo and George, who Carol loved so incredibly much. She told me recently that those years were the happiest in her life.

Animals meant the world to her. She used to have two Labradors and a few Maine Coon cats at different times, and nurtured many birds back to life, as well as rescued a few mice from the clutches of her cats’ claws.

She even trained to be a pet bereavement councillor and volunteered doing this for years. She was a sympathetic listener people could confide in and understood more than most the grief people feel deeply when they lose their best friends.

As well as her deep affinity with animals, Carol had a fondness for spending time by water. It brought her peace and calm. She lived by the river at a couple of points in her life, in Laleham and on the beautiful Harleyford Estate in Marlow.

She often day dreamed about moving to the coast too, and loved a holiday to the Mediterranean or Caribbean, only a couple of years ago going on a Saga cruise.

Carol was also an excellent wordsmith and won many writing competitions, for short stories and snappy catch phrases. She was very supportive of my journalism and would often give me feedback.

Along with Carol telling me to share the positive thoughts you think about others, she also taught me to seize opportunities. Her common catchphrase was: “a bird in the hand, is worth two in the bush.” That philosophy has influenced me greatly throughout life.

She was an astute and enterprising self-made business woman who worked very hard throughout her life and expected others to do the same.  She was also very generous and we often enjoyed girly weekends together.

I am so grateful to have had her in my life. I will miss our phone calls. We could talk for hours about the deepest things, and also light-hearted and bizarre things too. 

She was – and is – another mum and friend to me in many ways. I am very thankful to have been with Carol for her last 24 hours, holding her hand. She even mustered the energy to fully open her eyes for a couple of seconds to tell me my hair looked lovely! I know Carol and I will always be together in each other’s hearts. 

Carol had a deep faith in God and having the community of this church over the last 15 years meant so much to her. 

Following Carol’s passing, I came across this poem that Carol had on her noticeboard, so I wanted to end by reading it to you. There couldn’t be a better way to celebrate the essence of Carol. It’s called: “A smile.”

A smile costs nothing but gives much.

It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is so poor but that he can made rich by it.

A smile creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in business, and is the countersign of friendship. It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and it is nature’s best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away.

Some people are too tired to give you a smile. 

Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile as much as he who has no more to give.
___

Carol filled so much of my life with smiles, positivity, and a whole lot of laughter and love. She had a pragmatic mindset and an independent, dynamic approach that taught me to always be grateful for what I have, and to put in the work to make positive change. Thank you Carol. We love you.